Hey there, I’m Jeckster. My friends all call me Jay or Jaybird. I was born on October 22nd, 1992 to my two lovely parents, Tina and Jeff. My birthday is within a year of my older brother Jake, and two years ahead of my little sister, Abby. So, obviously, that makes me the middle child. I’m female to male transgender which, for the less educated, means that I was born physically female but am transitioning to be physically male. I’m on hormone therapy, and I haven’t had any surgery yet. I’m also gay. And since I do get this question a lot, I prefer men.
I’m very into music like Avenged Sevenfold, Story Of The Year, System Of A Down, Frightened Rabbit, The Hush Sound, Of Mice & Men. I also love Sailor Moon, Pokémon, Harry Potter, Franken Fran, Dexter, True Blood, and pretty much anything on the food network.
But, onto the story segment.
When I was ten, my mother’s boyfriend at the time molested my sister and I. However, she remembered it, and I didn’t until just recently. I displayed some intense symptoms afterwards, but no one put the pieces together. I felt dirty all the time, and highly anxious. I even said to my mother, “I want to peel off my own skin”.
Years and years later, when I turned sixteen, I came out to my mother as transgender. My chest was wrapped and I was wearing a friend’s clothes. I felt great. Mom accepted me, of course, but my dad wasn’t so keen on it. I started dressing as male full time, and eventually got on hormone therapy.
But my mental health deteriorated. To put it bluntly, I was psychotic. I was extremely delusional, seeing and hearing things, afraid of loud noises, irrationally scared of heart attacks and strokes, convinced that the world was going to end. I’d been hospitalized twice for suicidal idealization and the worst panic attacks I’ve ever felt. I’m now medicated, and I think the cocktail I’m on is working very well for me.
But while my life was spinning out of control and I was panicking literally every day, I stumbled across Pretty Thin, a pro ana website. It seemed like the path to my salvation. I jumped in quickly.
And now, here I am. I restrict, I purge, I exercise compulsively, I abuse laxatives and diet pills, and I chew and spit. I’m not proud of it, but it really does make me feel safe. Clean.
If you read all this, thank you very much. <3
